This is probably the most personal song I’ve ever written, and the heart of the whole record. I’m inspired by the work of people who showed me that a happy, healthy, hopeful future was possible for me as a queer person coming up in high-demand religion. I just want to help give the next generation a better chance than we had. The proverb goes, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” I’m gonna give the closeted queer youth still coming up in evangelicalism a hopeful vision if it kills me. That’s why I’m here. It’s my calling, my ministry, and why I do what I do.
Lyrics
Sunday nights at 10 o’clock I’d tune the FM dial to 91.3
Crawl into my bed and listen to a man answer questions from kids like me
That’s how I discovered I was not the only one
A therapist at college was the second person I ever came out to
My best friend walked me to the offices, he was the only other one who knew
The Christian college counselor said, “here’s what the Bible says”
God didn’t make you this way
But wipe away your tears
Happiness comes when you pray
But I had been praying for years
And it was hard to see me happy
Music was my only saving grace and I would play it in the church
And even though I was gay they let me stay as long as they believed it made me hurt
Yeah, they were always fine as long as I was suffering
God wants your whole heart and mind
And your body too
My dreams were not God’s design
If what they were saying was true
Then it was hard to see me happy
Who built these walls up and hung a sign
That said God was inside them
Who collects the cost of admission
And what do they stand to gain
By keeping us all in pain
There is only one time I am certain that I heard the voice of God, when I was driving
I was nowhere near a church when the spirit called my name and said
You’re made for more than surviving
It pulled me to the water’s edge and there it washed my feet
God called me into the deep
And God is with me still
You have no power to keep
Me from sacred
I reach out and take it
There’s nothing I need from
The gates that you keep
The divine is within
You invented a sin
To make me feel worse
But I cast off your curse
I found freedom from shame
And I’m hoping the same thing for you
Cause I know it’s hard to see me happy